Here's a story of a girl,
 Living in the lonely world,
 A hidden note, A secret crush,
 A little boy who talks too much.

Well, I'm standing in the crowd,
 And when you smile I check you out,
 But you don't even know my name,
 You're too busy playing games,

And I want you too know,
 If you lose your way,
 I won't let you go.

If I cut my hair,
 If I change my clothes,
 Will you notice me?

If I bite my lip,
 If I say hello,
 Will you notice me?


PROFILEY

An introduction about yourself (:

DESIRESY
Your desires!

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EXITSY

friend. friend. friend. friend. friend. friend. friend. friend. friend. friend. friend. friend. friend. friend. friend. friend. friend. friend. friend. friend.

ARCHIVES;

June 2008 July 2008 August 2008 October 2008 November 2008 December 2008 January 2009 February 2009 March 2009 April 2009 May 2009 June 2009 August 2009 September 2009 October 2009 December 2009

CREDITS;

Designer
Photobucket.
Blogger.
Blogskins.
Picture 1
Picture 2
Splatter Brushes
Lyrics of the song "Notice Me" by Zetta Bytes

Monday, August 11, 2008
1:02 PM

Been reading the blog when I almost puke of the melancholics that I have created, again!

"If people dont appreciate you
At least you appreciate yourself"

This time... I would be the one kicking ass and taking names

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Will you ever notice me...

12:24 PM

Ever hard those night where closing your eyes brings the ultimate fears because images, flashes and even in the dead night - the sound of darkness bring pain to your human chest?

Where those around you try so hard to reach you to help became confused because you try to reason with the person that you were, were the person that you are now is too different.
You cover your ears to the screamings that are not there, hide behind the palms of your hand from the ghost of yesterday. You shriek to the lashing pain that continues to bleed you dry of feelings...

Too different to be understood...
Too different to be loved...
Too different to be the one you were...

I guess I do love the pain, I do admit that it eradicates alot of humanly qualities that are left inside me. Nowadays i just smile alot, talk much less... it is only in blogs that i speak my mind.
Constantly in a feverish state I wander around alone in the city. Avoiding all eye contact from everyone that sees this pale young man with dark sunken eyes.

I spend my days crying now... there was once as I was eating I cried unknowingly, salty tears dripped down to the side of my lips.

I never gave up on hope but also I never gave up on death.

Death... another thought that has been lingering in my mind. Admittedly I was toying with the idea.

Jumping from the 5th floor?
Too messy... I wouldnt want to be seen at my last state of life being hideously disfigured

Slitting my wrist
Been there... its just give you headache and after awhile the tourniquet just saves you anyways

Carbon Dioxide Poisoning
The idea that I have thought lately... some people told me that it feels like sleeping. As you can imagine, I would just lie in my car, looking asleep... or better still after taking a sleeping pill... letting the poison takes its effect.

Everything would be over...

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Will you ever notice me...

Sunday, August 10, 2008
1:08 PM

I should stop by any rate trying to make people think that i am this soap opera drama actor that has nothing better to do in a sunday afternoon or on a saturday night with my knack for making people think that i am auditioning for "The Bold and the Beautiful"

Sigh

I am coming to terms that Armand is still pissed at me... in fact if i was him i would be too. So am succumbing to the fact that I will be given the silent treatment for awhile...

My bad... but hey it was my fault

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Will you ever notice me...

Thursday, August 7, 2008
8:55 PM

Maybe its me being utterly blond but I discover despite what people said about my voice, its my only pride and joy. Also that I love singing... whenever I feel depressed, I would just sing and let whatever emotions was haunts that song comeover me.

I feel peace because for the one moment... the music and me are together in harmony

Yes... dramatic I know...

So just going to make a little info

Adika is going to be on youtube... well at least the voice will be... joining in the ranks of wannabes

Who cares!!!

Catch me soon peeps...

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Will you ever notice me...

4:16 PM

Setelah kupahami
aku bukan yang terbaik
Yang ada di hatimu
Tak dapat kusangsikan
Ternyata dirinyalah yang mengerti kamu
Bukanlah diriku ..

Kini maafkanlah aku
Bila aku menjadi bisu kepada dirimu
Bukan santunku terbungkam
Hanya hatiku berbatas 'tuk mengerti kamu
Maafkanlah aku..

Walau ku masih mencintaimu
Ku harus meninggalkanmu
Ku harus melupakanmu
Meski hatiku menyayangimu
Nurani membutuhkanmu
Ku harus merelakanmu

Dan hanyalah dirimu
Yang mampu memahamiku
Yang dapat mengerti aku
Ternyata dirinyalah
Yang sanggup menyanjungmu
Yang ramah menyentuhmu
Bukanlah diriku..

Will you ever notice me...

3:51 PM

If I fell in love with you,
Would you promise to be true
And help me understand.

Cause i've been in love before
And i've found that love was more,
Than just holding hands.

If I give my heart to you,
I must be sure from the very start
That you would love me more than her.

If I trust in you,
Oh please, don't run and hide.

If I love you to,
Oh please, don't hurt my pride like her,
Cause I couldn't stand the pain.

And i, would be sad if I knew love wasn't made,
So i hope you see,That i would love to love you.

If I fell in love with you.

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Will you ever notice me...

2:45 PM

"I kneel down before you
I have not more strength
Show me the way, my sweet lord
Away from this Breakdown Palace"

Breakdown and Cry

I was at my worst yesterday nothing could be more much of a painful experience for me. It surpasses any loneliness that I have felt for anything at all. I cried for hours on end in the balcony of the apartment, with the lights out and the cold wind being a harsh reminder that I was indeed alone.

I tried everything...

I tried to be sane not to think more suicidal thought that seem to be more logical than any any other. There was a point looking down the concrete from the fifth floor was the most welcoming sight that I have seen for such a long time

Dont...

Please dont partronise me...

So what if lately do feel suicidal... its my life if do decide to end it then it would be my choice wouldnt it?

Sigh...

I dont know when I stopped crying... I figured I must have slept outside because my back was hurting, but it it subsided at my head feel even more painful than anything. I crept back into the apartment and slept... waking every hour... looking around with such disorientation that made me feel so scared.

I then tried to message people quite randomly... I guess i was trying desperately for any human contact.

Looking back now... i was really messed up

Dont get me wrong this entry does not ask for pity... that would be the least of that I want. More than anything this entry serves as a tombstone for my life when I indeed almost end everything.

It hurts to know that you are alone... not really

It hurts more to look at you friends and you are unable to tell them your pain because you just cannot tell them anything anymore.

Ladies and gentlemen...

Now that truly hurts...

Ironically... this song kind of saved me, a soundtrack from 'Across The Universe'

Blackbird Fly

"Blackbird singing on the dead of night
Take these broken wings and learn to sky
All your life
you have been waiting for this moment to arise

Blackbird Fly

Into the light of the dark night"

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Will you ever notice me...