And without knowing the feelings that I have harvest in a fiery passion a long time ago now has dwindle into the nothingness. A week or so ago saw him, it was such a pang to me personally because it would be such an event even to see him.
then i would message him to say i saw him... *yes sad and pathetic i know*
But now... he holds nothing... maybe because i guess i found a true brother that will be there for me no matter what and really do take me for who I am.
Will you ever notice me...
Friday, January 23, 2009
3:33 PM
Sparkling grey, am I the only way?
Any more than a whisper
Any sudden movement of my heart
And I know, I know I'll have to watch them pass away
Just get through this day
Give up your way, you could be anything,
Give up my way,and lose myself,not today
That's too much guilt to pay
Sickened in the sun
You dare tell me you love me
But you held me down and screamed you wanted me to die
Honey you know, you know I'd never hurt you that way
You're just so pretty in your pain
Give up my way, and I could be anything
I'll make my own way
Without your senseless hate....
hate...
hate.....
hate
So run, run, run
And hate me, if it feels good
I can't hear your screams anymore
You lied to me
But I'm older now
And I'm not buying baby
Demanding my response
Don't bother breaking the door down
I found my way out
And you'll never hurt me again
*and you will never hurt me, all has healed... only malice and hatred resides here for you
Labels: hate, revelation, song
Will you ever notice me...
10:11 AM
Yes~ I know that a blog is about person things but every once and awhile I would like to report on my finding in this weird weird world that we live in.
First up in my list ladies and gentlement
Porn With A Guy!!! of course with a girl in the room... wait that's not normalKanye West... Yes Mr. Kanye himself has expressed the desire to actual make an adult film with a guy, while a girl is in the room. While I do not know every kinky desires that people make in this world but I guess we are allowed to try things while we are still alive and kicking...
Though a note from Elton John "cross the line at goats"... John~ is there something that you are not telling?
It Think Its The Beehive Hair That Kept Her AfloatAmy Winehouse is a heroine!!!
She rescued a drowning woman to which people said was a different thing to be seen other than the usual crawling in bar, nicking drinks and asking for sex from the guest there. I guess that if you are off crack, there is is a Mother Theresa just dying to get out...
But if anything Amy~ you rawk woman!
and last from me... Adika
Oops they did it again... Madonna and BritneyAgain two forces to be reckoned with has joined force to give us a track that soon will be released into the station with us, singing, dancing and grooving with. No further information can be obtain but will give info as and when....
[Information has been taken from
www.omgblog.com]
Labels: news
Will you ever notice me...
Thursday, January 22, 2009
9:41 AM
Okay okay... i know that am being overly to optimistic and I should perhaps but it keeps me asleep at night and that is a good thing (just realize that I used the word "and" in a sentence, which shows how crappy my english really is... anyhu moving on)
RBTS didnt call yesterday, maybe there is a technical error or something because the whole district being flooded and the electricity is nonexistant just like a fading memory of the likes of Marilyn Monroe (what am I blabbing here).
So am banking on the hope probably there is something faulty somewhere so hence the no calling.
hmm... *cross fingers*
Awh~ yesterday... yes... about yesterday... I am the kind of person that doesnt like to be told what to do in a tone. So my Dad decided to call me up and did the exact same thing~ its not productive when a action is going to be done and you are telling a person that the action should be done... get me?
okay okay the whole story~
My dad tells me to go home, of which i was on the verge to but the way he said it as if am not doing at all that night, so after sending Qiza (remember the new character?) home, I told her to inform Mom that am sleeping over Harris'
then comes a msg from Dad, go home and rest...
Well Dad... I was "home" yesterday night...
4:41 pm... i should stop being bridget jones... so yeah... hmm~ nothing today also.. gave up
Labels: family, fight, interview
Will you ever notice me...
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
10:12 AM
10:13 Am:
Anxiety fills me as I look at the time ticking away, the fact that it has been a full week from the RBTS interview, of which they said today would be the said time whereby the answer will be given.
Though am telling myself that the interview is easy, then again it was so easy that it was bleeding hard to me to impress the people because chances are the people can do it far better. So am banking in the hope that during the oral interview I did better.
Sigh~ will update this entry as I go
11:01 AM
ARGH~~~ no call, no phone, no sms, no msg no nothing... *faints* nothing
I could feel my heart beating against the rib cage oh so violently~
Let me just surf to calm myself
4:56 PM
Guess what no calls~ i was so upset at 2pm so I went home to take lunch and shower a bit, without knowing I snoozed at bit, I looked at my phone and guess what THERE WAS NO SIGNAL AT ALL it was like freaking dead zone or something.
So at 4 ish I got up and went to the office... a few msg from Harris, and my HR then guess what of all people... i got a msg from DiGi welcoming me to Malaysia~
Sigh~
Anyhu
Too late for call nows... not very optimistic.... will crawl up into a hole and die now
Labels: interview, update
Will you ever notice me...
Monday, January 19, 2009
11:25 AM
Argh~ I need my old job back... lets just put it at that and if you get the drift connecting the title and this sentence then good if not... never mind.
Anywho... spend yesterday night watching... "Juara Lagu" which was not expected when I hung out at Harris' place yesterday. But it was great but the performance of some artist was going down the hill and was eclipsed greatly by the newcomers... Jac for example was amazing with her "Gemilang" though personally I think that he vocal acrobatics are not that impressive... unlike Mariah *i know i should compare anyone to Mariah* she plays with the low and the high.
But who am I to say anything...
Anyways... Faizal Tahir was amazing... I want him... I mean I want to have his voice
apa lagie ah... thats all am outtie allLabels: misc, update
Will you ever notice me...
Saturday, January 17, 2009
11:19 AM
entitled almost only to write this
"so what do we do after this" girl look anxiously for the never was there boyfriend to come
"relax... if we want it badly~ there must be a way" boy walks away without turning wishing how the girl knows really what is in his heart, as she catches up with him, he turns to smile to her.
"So dont worry~ in the meanwhile at least you have a friend" then they walk to the sunset, like the lovers that they should be, with the pain of loneliness that each has in secret.
"We are almost there..." she said holding his hand with such warmth.
Labels: flash, snippet
Will you ever notice me...
10:22 AM
last year mine went the drain... lets see what this year bringsOX Ratings 52% (3 favorable 5 neutral and 4 unfavorable months) The Ox can do well this year through steady progress. There may be a number of experiences that will provide great joy for the Ox. One area, in particular, is the Ox's personal life. You may see an addition to the family. You will be surrounded by those who care. Look for the early summer months to attend many social occasions, providing many new faces in your social circle. One area of focus is to be open to the advice of others, as you tend to keep your issues to yourself. Overall, your own year can be one that you will look back on with pride and a genuine sense of achievement.
OX CareerIn 2009, the Oxen will be given many opportunities to further your plans and goals, as well as consolidate your position. Steady progress is the position where the Ox is most comfortable and that is where you will find yourself this year. You will also have a chance to impress and gain support from those around you. This is a good year to enhance your skills and add to your repertoire with added training or study. You will be satisfied in knowing that anything you do this year will repay you in this year and the years to come. The months of May, late August and September may mark a change in your career.
OX Relationships2009 will be a year of personal happiness. For the single Ox, there may be a chance to engage in new and meaningful friendships, romance, and possibly even marriage. Others will take comfort in their domestic and social lives. Being an Ox year, this is one that will provide enjoyment for you as long as you allow it. Beware of your strong will and do not allow any minor disagreements to escalate and put a damper on a fine year. May is a month that will highly favor a chance meeting or a heightened level in a relationship.
OX HealthHealth matters don't seem to be too much of a concern for the Ox this year, as you are good at implementing some sort of physical activity into your routine. The Ox's discipline does well to carry over into your health. It never hurts to find ways to improve in this area, so don’t discount anything that will improve the quality of your life. Even though there may not be any large issues, stress can be a surmounting factor to be aware.
OX Wealth
The Ox could enjoy an improvement financially, but you may face a number of large expenses over the year. To maneuver your budget through the year of the Ox, exercise care and sensible spending. It would be wise to seek professional advice when it comes to any speculative ventures or risky investments that create some sense of doubt
Labels: chinese new year
Will you ever notice me...
9:36 AM
Yesterday I went to Syaf's place and it was utterly great, the instance I walked in Auntie said Hi and there in the living room I sat, chit chatting with her and the brother *somehow it feels that I have been doing this for a very long time*
I sleep over because I was angry with Dad~ I know that both is not at fault but sometimes my usually very rational mind goes very opposite *NO DO NOT COMPARE ME TO BRITNEY SPEARS*
So yeah... i slept over at his place.
But the warm fuzzy feeling stays inside though :)
Labels: update
Will you ever notice me...
Friday, January 16, 2009
5:04 PM
Sinaran mata
Cerita segalanya
Duka lara terpendam
Memori semalam
Tinggal segala cinta
Tiada kembalinya
Lama dikasih kita
Kau bawa bersama
Mimpi indah mekar
Saat cinta bersemi
Sedetik asmara syurga
Selamanya
(Korus)Pergilah rinduku
Hilangkan dirimu
Tak sanggup menanggung
Derita dikalbuku
Pergilah sayangku
Bermula semula
Semangat cintaku
Membara kerana dia
Tiada niatku
Tersemat dijiwa
Setia bersamanya
Cinta murni berdua
Beribu teguhnya
Mimpi indah mekar
Saat cinta bersemi
Sedetik asmara syurga
Selamanya
(Ulang korus)
Pergilah sayangku
Bermula semula
Semangat cintaku
Membara kerana dia
Tiada niatku
Maafkan aku duhai kasih
Izinkan ku pergi
surfing the net while this pop up... randomness
Labels: lyrics, malay, song
Will you ever notice me...
3:09 PM
Driving along this afternoon, I realized that steering wheel was going to the left then I put my listening ear on *switch on now* then that my tire was flat. Where Qiza (a new character in my blog who happens to be my sister) and Tuah (another new addition to my blog) then went down.
Tuah... who acts like the alpha male in the family, then ask me where is the jack of which I did hand down to time, then he puts it under the car and jacks the car up.
IN THE WRONG FUCKING PLACE!!!!
The car got dented a bit~ then I showed him CORRECTLY why the jack has a gap in the middle, and properly got it under the car, then he continues to jack the car... WITH THE FLAT TIRE INTACT... Then I told him with the car suspended and us unscrewing the tire... the chance of the car being bump onto the tarmac and further more making more damage onto the car.
*I dont know how I know this... me being me this should be foreign*
The hardest part was taking the tire out because it was rustic a bit inside, to which we waited for my dad and he effortlessly shit the metal part of the tire where *pop* the tire goes and the good tire goes in.
Huhu... *Wipes sweat* all and all a good day in Adika Land :)
Labels: family, update
Will you ever notice me...
8:57 AM
I dont know if you are reading this, but one more time I be civil with you but you just flush it down. It will be only your next birthday that you would hear from me, that is if you are still worth it.
Labels: vengeance
Will you ever notice me...
8:15 AM
There are so many things that I would like to highlight about myself, I cannot hide how I truly highlight how I truly feel at times. If I guess holding a grudge has been something that of nature to me, that being said i however will so the utmost kindness for those for gives the same.
Yesterday was out with Didek again~ I think I should find more friends and shouldnt bother him as much because at times I think he is dead tired but because being an accomodating person as he is~ he just say yes.
Sweet lil brother he is...
Anywho... his Mr.B was picking him up afterwards and a sudden malice comes over me again I could smell... literally blood. *yes... scary, and yes I could read your mind "OMG a making a serial killer"*
I said "okay I send you down to the entrance of the mall"
Usually I would avoid being seen by these pathetic little weakling that doesnt confront~ if anything I would be the person that ask why... even the latest event though I was at fault I did ask around first though the notion was taken differently~ long story.
But yesterday I wanted to see them again
And the image of their skull crashing underneath my foot was delightful beautiful of a harmony.
But I guess Didek felt it... "Just go cause I dont want them to ask"
And I did...
Labels: vengeance
Will you ever notice me...
Thursday, January 15, 2009
2:08 PM
I know such a wtf title aye~
Not really a bad day just that I want to have a OMG expression on some people's face.
Anywho there is nothing much to be done in the office so that is why I have the time to actually blog.
Slept over again at Didek's place yesterday, too tired and too sleepy to drive, though we manage to finish a movie finally *barely with us getting so overly sleep and more than once knocking our head onto each other*
But going to work was great though~ it was a wonderful morning from the blue skies to the very refreshing air... i just totally know someone is going to die because nothing this good ever last.
So this is my last post... if anything happens to me... peace out you all
Labels: bored, brother, update
Will you ever notice me...
10:00 AM
kutahu, kau selingkuh
kau duakan cintaku yang tulus
kau tahu, diriku
tak pernah berpaling dari dirimu
tega nya kau dustai semua
janji kita berdua
entah masih kah ada cinta dihatiku untuk mu
entah kapan kah ku dapat membuka hati ini, untuk mu…
tak pernah ku bayangkan
cerita kita berakhir begini
tega nya kau dustai semua
janji kita berdua
entah masih kah ada cinta dihatiku untuk mu
entah kapan kah ku dapat membuka hati ini, untuk mu...
masih kah ada ...
cinta dihati ini
dihati kecilku berharap kau masih bagian dari hidupku...
entah masih kah ada cinta dihatiku untuk mu
entah kapan kah ku dapat membuka hati ini, untuk mu..
was driving with song lately playing in the radio~
Labels: malay, song
Will you ever notice me...
9:18 AM
Then where is part 1... its been put away in the year 2008 pile of shit. Well cutting it short I just had my two inteview from RTBS a few days ago consecutively.
It went well I would reckon~
The first interview... or should I say test... was easy so dead easy that it was hard because everybody in that room can do it with their eyes closed, almost literally speaking, it was a video interview whereby the candidates are supposed to write down and minute everything.
The second interview was tricky... for me that is... or am just being paranoid because I been to the same interview and I didnt not get anything at all.
It was a presentation (yes... there was yet another presentation, thank god there was not a debate to be seen in sight because I was ready to cream anyone that is in my way). I would reckon i did well... my english was everywhere because I was all jittery and whatnot.
And i forgot alot of things... i just realize i am so rusty with my programming and also my computing skills~ sigh.
The answer would be this wednesday I would reckon because they say it would be in a week's time.
Cross my fingers... *yeah... i can pay alot of debts with this on*
Labels: RBTS, update
Will you ever notice me...
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
12:19 PM
Tell me whyYou're so hard to forgetDon't remind meI'm not over itTell me
whyI can't seem to face the truthI'm just a little too not over youGreat song~ by David ArchuletaLabels: lyrics, snippet
Will you ever notice me...
Monday, January 12, 2009
12:45 PM
And ladies and gentlemen... somehow I made it to be on the wrong side again due to some uncalculated actions that I should have known better (bad adika) and also some things that happened that a cherry topping to my otherwise bland week.
Yesterday sunday~ Spent the entire day from 10 onwards till this morning at Didek's place
Yes... now i am a common fixture in the house, where Me, Didek and the sister would go out together and just chill because well... since I have lost my friends due my stupid ways... I only have Sims (whom i hung out with just yesterday too *happy*) now I have Didek and Zoe.
Kinda sad i know... *purse lips* but its okay... at least I have manageable friends who are truthful and very fun to be with.
What are the other updates ah~
Oh oh... RBTS... Royal Brunei Technical Service Interview was a bomb... well it was a bomb because I was so chicken shit scared that I couldnt do the video interview very well. I summed up the others, only one worthwhile competitor whereas the others are small fries *kidding! they have already secretarial skills*
I do hope that I get in...
Oh Didek punya father was so sweet though he how do you say it in english... *tawarkan air* for me so that I will be okay ish during the interview...
Hopefully I did well... anywho.... We'll wait and see aye
ttyl all...
P.S. Didek got Hamster....
Labels: update
Will you ever notice me...
Saturday, January 10, 2009
11:07 AM
Yesterday was a very good day for Adika,
Got a call from RBTS to inform that I will be having the interview on the 12th of January, this monday for the Business Development Executive Assistant post, and I will be slashing people to get it *where is my blade?*
And Didek got news for a school in Lambak are looking for teachers :)
And Sarah got a job in Brunei Times
Zoe got her license *well that was yesterday but extended happiness*
And Didek punya family is welcoming me to the picture... I got invited to the sister's birthday party celebration which was wicked :)
Awkwardness was none... feels as if I belong :)
But there was a touch of the B side... met with Blue and Orange in the mall.
It was apparent that my darker side was dying to get out and get even with them, all the hexes and magick tricks were tantalizing my veins, thank god Didek was there... though i did snapped but it was contained somewhat and it lessen down quickly.
Labels: brother, happy, magick
Will you ever notice me...
Friday, January 9, 2009
9:16 AM
I am sorry that I hurt you without knowing
When I do the things I do I become absentminded and forget about you
To see you cry and ignore me makes me feel sorry some more
Because bit by bit I am a afraid you love me less not like before
If its true that if bleed you wont care then I guess I bleed to be purged
For then every drop will inked my vows and promises
I am sorry that hard to understand at times
That vegeance and hatred has become too much of a part of me
Loneliness and suffering; as you would know them has been our bestfriend
For every heave of pain in my chest I take it as a punishment
Because it is true you shant hurt the one that you love
And once hurts there is almost nothing to take those pain back
Above all am I sorry~
That you have to love me
Labels: belahan jiwa, breakdown, poem, suicide
Will you ever notice me...
Thursday, January 8, 2009
9:24 AM
Its a normality for me to turn to Stregaria if I cannot settle, or to put it in a way - I let my something deep inside of me take charge and I just take on the passenger seat. This does not happen frequent and when it does happens I usually dont know that I am doing it *twitches nose*
So now i leave all that to be a better person, like a warrior that puts down his sabre... so do I to my arts.
Let us hope that i hope that I use it ever again.
Labels: magick
Will you ever notice me...
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
3:13 PM
I guess it was my fault to open up a chapter from my life that was long and gone past. Leafing through the pages I read so many things that to me was outrageously far and distant from where I am sitting at the moment.
As I go through the paragraphs of mine life, it was sadly piercing that once I have so much and lost literally almost with everything in my life, my life was almost included.
As abrupt as the story ends that is how my new story comes~
Maybe its hard for this Belahan Jiwa to believe, but I have endured so much already and I am prepared.
Labels: belahan jiwa, forgiveness, happy, love, revelation, update
Will you ever notice me...
11:11 AM
what does the title says?
Labels: snippet
Will you ever notice me...
Monday, January 5, 2009
10:34 AM
Maybe me writing this down will enlist me being a skeptic on love, but being rational I do reason out things out before anything (usually).
Today is my 3rd Month Anniversary, the 1st Quarter from the 8 Quarter of which love is suppose to last.
Am optimistic that with this one if anything does happen we will still be the best of friends and whatever we had can be retained because I see the effort despite with all the hardship that we already have to endure~
I dont think any test of love is as hard as this one
He tries oh so much~ and I appreciate it so much.
And if you think that I would be hurt because of our situation now? dont fret~ its my sacrifice amongst all the other sacrifices that I will make for you... just stay with me because my heart is with you.
SCR awak~
Labels: anniversary, relationship
Will you ever notice me...
Saturday, January 3, 2009
2:13 PM
Syarat pertama, syarat kedua
Bagi cerah perjalanan beta
Dari puncak ke Istana Melaka
Hamparkan kukuh jambatan emas
Jambatan perak pula
Dari istana ke puncak Ledang
Syarat ketiga, syarat keempat
Melaka peraja makmur
Ramai darah mekar dan subur
Alirkan tujuh tempayan
Airmata mereka
Kemudian tujuh tempayan juga
Air pinang muda
Buat seru beta bersiram
Syarat kelima, syarat keenam
Tujuh dulang hati hama
Disilang dulang yang tujuh lagi
Disusun hati sang nyamuk pula
Syarat ketujuh
Bukan kejam, bukan dendam
Ini duga nilai kasih
Paduka pada beta
Pelengkap hantaran beta
Semangkuk darah putera mahkota
Labels: lyrics, malay
Will you ever notice me...
Friday, January 2, 2009
11:37 AM
I do admit if anything that I am very nice when it comes to everybody, this is because I cannot afford to be mean because if iIdo become mean to a particulat person then pray to the sweet lord for mercy on the person's soul because then I would focus my all to make the person suffer as much as she/he could ever imagine.
That much is spite within my dark soul.
Being a witch does not help either as at times I would cast unknowingly hexes.
Nataku is part of me that is always unsettled, vengeful and holds grudes until if possible to the end of time.
I would remember every word, emotions and also every nuance the very moment where I decide to hate the person. The slight dizzy feeling, the heating up of the body~ are the physical symptoms that shows it going to that state.
So yeah~ December is gone~ now I can do very much anything~
Labels: death, destruction, reflection, vengeance
Will you ever notice me...
