Ever hard those night where closing your eyes brings the ultimate fears because images, flashes and even in the dead night - the sound of darkness bring pain to your human chest?

Where those around you try so hard to reach you to help became confused because you try to reason with the person that you were, were the person that you are now is too different.
You cover your ears to the screamings that are not there, hide behind the palms of your hand from the ghost of yesterday. You shriek to the lashing pain that continues to bleed you dry of feelings...

Too different to be understood...
Too different to be loved...
Too different to be the one you were...

I guess I do love the pain, I do admit that it eradicates alot of humanly qualities that are left inside me. Nowadays i just smile alot, talk much less... it is only in blogs that i speak my mind.
Constantly in a feverish state I wander around alone in the city. Avoiding all eye contact from everyone that sees this pale young man with dark sunken eyes.

I spend my days crying now... there was once as I was eating I cried unknowingly, salty tears dripped down to the side of my lips.

I never gave up on hope but also I never gave up on death.

Death... another thought that has been lingering in my mind. Admittedly I was toying with the idea.

Jumping from the 5th floor?
Too messy... I wouldnt want to be seen at my last state of life being hideously disfigured

Slitting my wrist
Been there... its just give you headache and after awhile the tourniquet just saves you anyways

Carbon Dioxide Poisoning
The idea that I have thought lately... some people told me that it feels like sleeping. As you can imagine, I would just lie in my car, looking asleep... or better still after taking a sleeping pill... letting the poison takes its effect.

Everything would be over...

Labels: death, loneliness, suicide